I have never worn pink until now, but now I need pink. The pink reminds me that it is okay to walk around in a life I don't understand with days I thought I could never endure, grief that seems heavy and hope that seems somewhat overwhelming. I am wearing more pink.
I wore pink pants and a black shirt, I have dealt with 10 days of headaches, one bypass surgery with my mom, 2 rounds of strep with my twins, two bacterial infections with my 4 middle kids, some weird virus that I thought would kill my husband, a dryer that says,'
klunk,
da klunk,
klunk' every time I put a load in, a broken water heater, a funny smell in the back of the house, becoming closely
acquainted with my pest control guy, canceled two trips, had one amazing trip to see my family, break through seizures with my 5 year old, a wreck for my teen an his girl, loss of
utilities, a bearded lizard of some sort that I understand ate her mate before she came to my home,one lost phone, one found phone, and an amazing marriage seminar for 5 (of 8) weeks that can only make this all more doable with my best friend and husband.
This is 2 months in the life of the Pike family....I have not loved every minute of it, much of it I have endured, not so patiently. I am grateful for most of it and I have loved a week or two of it, but through out it all I have had a team behind me, my network of sorts. To say this is the life I dreamed of would be a lie, I dreamed far less for my life, with a very different chaos, and much less love. I never dreamed of a life that I would where pink pants and a black shirt and think I looked amazing that Sunday morning.
I cry a lot these days, the days of pink pants. I cry when I am happy....when I watch my son with his sweet girl, I cry when I watch my teen daughter put on mascara, I cry when I watch my younger twin do a report, the doctors swore she would never do, I cry when I watch my 9 year old write stories and sleep peacefully next to our baby, I cry when our baby does kindergarten.....all of these tears have come between the happenings over the past two months, bright spots like my pink pants on a rainy Sunday morning.
I cry grief tears, when I see all the same children doing the same amazing things, about time lost in my life, memories never made, and pain that I never understood. But the days of the pink pants are not like the teary eyed days of years past, these are not days of depression or
decomposition. These are the days of moving through finding relief, embracing health, coming to terms of agreement, redefining and acceptance of who I am and where I come from, days of figuring out where I come from. These are the days of the pink pants, new relationship with the same husband, different relationship with the growing kids, an understanding relationship with myself and figuring out how to puzzle it all together. These are the days of the pink pants.
These are my original thoughts posted with all sorts of funnies, hurts,
happiesat www.himhimthem.blogspot.com please honor that they are owned by myself (Suzanne Pike) and don't share them without attributing where they are found and who they came from in the material you share.
Maci and Maggie in the morning
Sarah and Maggie
DJ
martha
DJ
zach and long time childhood friend Bethany
