The Knot In My Throat and Other Things I Am More Aware Of

I walked out of painful chaos and into legalism of the religious sort, following that up with more questions than answers about life, lies, hopes, and heroes. I found answers to questions I didn't think to ask and asked questions I didn't dare to mutter before. While in the middle of all of these moments I saw that I had become an adult with no great definition of self, but knowing all the while that I would pass up religion for relationship and would pass up relationship with others to protect my heart and to find boundaries in my heart that hadn't previously existed. I found relationship in a community of believers that I never expected and when asked boldly "How, Why, and Where?" I can only answer, "Because Jesus is there and there is where I have been found again." The knot in my throat, the tears always on the edge are tears of grief. The knot is all I had hoped for what could have been when I started this journey at a place not so far away with people that I believed would run the race along side, people that ended up running a different leg of the race than us. I have heard these old voices, listened to the memories, and followed my heart to know....the pain that was left by the loss is still there. It is okay that today I don't know exactly who I am or where I am headed. I have relationship, with my Lord and with myself.....all the rest is a bonus. I want to know more, to see more, to share more but today I will just be more, quietly.


These are my original thoughts posted with all sorts of funnies, hurts, happies
at www.himhimthem.blogspot.com please honor that they are owned by myself (Suzanne Pike) and don't share them without attributing where they are found and who they came from in the material you share.