I have a handfulof people that I will be happy to grow up with and grow old with,they are the ones that I take a moment with. Primarily myself.
In so many ways I am painfully aware that I am still growing up...so much that I didn't know when I should have known, I was so busy surviving my life that I didn't learn it. I am learning so much today, growing up. Growing old just sounds comforting to me, hopeful, like somehow I will feel more comfortable in my space. I am quite sure there will be some uncomfortable moments, but the set moments will pull me through. Set moments?
Moments I set to think about and settle with what is going on, sometimes alone often with people I love. I have a set moment every Thursday night with my sweet Lauras (two of them). In God's true fashion they are nothing like me, but ohhhh, the sweet time we spend making since of it all.
Another set time I have is Sunday morning church, time to think about what is and has been in my life to put a frame around, with the promise to be nice to myself and leave it in that particular frame and back ground for a few days at a time, until I deal with it. I collect my children and get so many hugs and then.....I have hope.The friend I am most excited to grow old with is my sweet Donnie. He is amazing, and today in so many ways I am who I was created to be because of the way he loves me....that is important you know? The way we are loved, he loves me for the pain of it all and he brings out the joy when I can't find it. He reminds me of the mire and muck that was and helps me see the beauty today...he also knows the depth of my heart and lets me go there when I need to for a moment to frame it all up and breath.
I get moments with old friends, friends that have known me since I was a teen or younger, they see my my face in a way like most can't....I like my moments with them, they are mixed with a strange laughter and deep edge that reminds me we survived it all.
Finally, my moments with the ones who appreciate me, my family, my aunts, my grandparents, they know me, really get me and for me that is the best medicine for an aching heart. Sitting quietly in a room full of people you don't have to explain anything to, with peace even in the chaos of the storm.
These are the ways I take moments these crazy days of my story of a family with one man, one woman, 6 kids, a grandmother, 2 cats, one dog and multiplying fish.
I am going to take a moment.
2 comments:
Love ya girl1
That was supposed to be an exclamation point!
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