She Paints

Sweet Sarah Kay, Ra Ra, Sarah Now, little momma, what ever you call her she is the 12 year old that is my right hand in this house. She paints my life sweet....Last night I had a moment of "ahhhhhh", those are bitter sweet for me. Sarah painted Miss Marie's nails, our sweet resident grandmother who has watched all of my children grow from babies to what they are now. She helped welcome them into the world, she swings with them on the front swing, she band-aids there boo boos when momma can't or is to hard headed to think they need it. Miss Marie, catches kisses from Baby DJ in the front yard, cries over the lostness of our neighborhood while I rant about it. Miss Marie watched me loose to much weight when my life was scary, she hugged my neck and gave me hope. Miss Marie took my kids to VBS when I couldn't and didn't have the strength, she loves us as only a Miss Marie could. Sarah painted her nails. As I think about that I am happy and sad all at once. It makes me think of all that we have gained in the last few years and all that we have lost. There is part of me that doesn't want to be close...to anyone, they die, or go away. My children have buried two of the most important people in the universe to our family in there short lives.... I think often of the time I am missing with my on family because of the damn economy and gas prices and I wonder sometimes, maybe wrongly, are relationships that are bound by time and space worth it. Of course, I know the answer, yes, but I hate the pain of missing people. I miss a lot of people this year, I miss people I will never see again like Don and Martha, I have questions to ask and things I need to know, like how do I raise this teen-age son that is so much like his father. I want to know how Martha made that darn near perfect sweet tea. I want to know why they were taken when we needed them so much. I want to be near my Grandma and Grandpa who bring me comfort when nothing else can. I miss my husband who is gone 10 days at a time with a new job. Bound by space and time, bound by these bodies that get older and steal the ones we love. I am not sad all the way around. I am grateful, I am even hopeful. I have a generation of Godly kids coming up, in a world that needs them. But I wish the people who I love and need could see it more closely. Thank you Miss Marie for letting Sarah Kay paint your nails. We need you.
I need to paint more days with memories and hope.