Our family has walked through so much for so many years that the last two years of calm has been welcome. When we first started this journey, I took for granted that everyone would understand where I came from and then later as we had more children, I took for granted that most would care about the things we were facing with our children. I was wrong. That, is okay. During the end of some great struggles and a time in our family where I was forced to decide what would be enough for me, I realized that God must always be enough. Honestly, I wondered 'does he really care that much?' I know, I know, the taboo question in the Christian walk, but I asked it, loudly, often, through tears, anger, frustration. I spent hours, weeks, and months wandering loudly through this walk and then quiet. QUIET....not fighting anymore, not moving against the tide of what was happening in our lives, not trying to manipulate the plan, just QUIET, STILLNESS. Only after I quit doing, did I feel real movement in my life. I woke up every morning and decided to just put one foot in front of the other, prayer, dishes, laundry, homeschooling, prayer, vacuuming, dusting, prayer....you get the picture. My life changed. This week while at the beach watching the waves, I remembered much of this. I realized that life had gotten a bit chaotic again and it was time to bring things down a notch, putting one foot in front of the other, not looking too far ahead, enjoying where we are in this walk. I made promises three years ago, just to try and take a new breath every moment, to survive and be kind for three years, that is all I wanted, one breath to the next. I wasn't sure sometimes if I would keep breathing. It was the one foot in front of the other, believing for miracles, but not manipulating them and breathing, staying alive. This has happened. All of it, the miracles, the hope, the healing, the restoration, the staying alive. I had forgotten about this promise and the day of the promised anniversary came near and I remembered, how big God is. Seeing the ocean, seeing my sweet Donnie, breathing deeply the sea air and not struggling wondering if I would take the next breath, I know that God is enough, God does care, and I will re-focus. This is a new season, no crisis, going sane, raising kids, one foot in front of the other, living in restoration and gratitude. I have big hopes for this season, hopes for further restoration in other relationships, hope for a deeper walk with the Lord, believing for my children's walks with the Lord to be embraced, hope for more than ever.
This is my hope.
What is yours
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